Ever wish you could have a ‘do over’?

I admit it. I had a tantrum, just like a child. Now I didn’t fall to the floor and kick my feet. Mine was more of an oral tantrum, but the result was I acted like a baby.

It all began Saturday morning. My hubby was upset with me about something that I think wasn’t my fault. I thought he was acting childish in blaming me. So what did I do? Turned into a wee one, too.

He tends to retreat when angry; I tend to advance. So here were, two 41-year-old adults acting about as mature as our children, ages 8 and 6. He was ignoring me; I was yelling louder and louder. Now he didn’t stick his fingers in his ears and say “Nah, nah, I can’t hear you” but he might as well. I got just as angry at him as my daughter does when my son acts like my hubby. (That’s the thing about genes; you see your own faults — and strengths — in your kids.)

And I broke all the rules of “good arguments.” I made those sweeping statemtents – “you never, you always” when I really meant “one time you …” I also brought up past, long past, battles, which is never fair.

It wasn’t one of my finer moments. I have a quote from Deepak Chopra pasted to my fridge, and when I listen to it, all goes much better. It reads:  

When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. Every conflict you wage is an excuse not to face a conflict within.

Another author, not sure who, put an equally telling message in simpler terms: “When you’re wrong, apologize; when you’re right, shut up.”

Both sentiments are so true because when I quarrel, particularly with someone I love, I seldom seem to be arguing about whatever is the subject of the fight. It’s really about something deeper, something related to my own fears, something maybe having nothing to do with the person.

In this case, I think I misdirected my anger at my hubby because there are other parts of my life where I feel powerless. He’s an easy target because he did something that ticked me off. I am Bitchy Mommy, after all. 

That isn’t to say, he did nothing wrong. I think he could have handled things differently, too, but I can control only me. Likely, if he were reading this, he’d say I’m overthinking it all. A fight is just a fight.

Maybe that’s true. But, honey, if you are reading this. I’m sorry. I really think you’re a wonderful husband, which is why I expect so much.

Boy, I wish I could just have a “do over.”


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